Michael Spencer asks the question: What can you not say around other Christians? The entire article is worth reading as a look at what we claim (IE personal interpretation, priesthood of all believers, etc) and what we do (shut up and conform!).
So I thought I’d post the question here.
What can you NOT say around other Christians (or in Church)?
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“You’re not Christian.”
Or the much used variant “You’re not Christian because you are not like _________”
“What does the pastor do all day?”
Jesus was a party animal
Apparantly, anything satirical in nature…
ha!
“I think baptism is just symbolic”
“Jesus had brothers”
No kidding I was called on the carpet by a Deacon who seemed to miss that.
I actually did sort of get in trouble with someone at our church for defending Old Earth Creationists as not being heretical.
It was along the lines of “well, don’t you believe what the Bible says?”
^
That’s because some people detest the idea that faith and science can actually co-exist.
A good vocabulary word for that kind of person is “rube.”
“I’m gay”
You reminded me Evan. (hope that wasn’t rude) Recently I had a girl in youth group announce she was a lesbian. That didn’t work well for some in our group.
haha, no.
how is she?
Actually most in our group were supportive of her. She has more issues, much bigger, in her life than being a lesbian.
She could use prayer!
“Just because the Catholics do something similar doesn’t make it wrong”
We had to leave the church because of the uproar over saying that in relation to infant dedication.
And no, I’m not saying Catholics are not Christians.
Hopefully, now, with her truth in the open, she can feel more free to deal with other problems she’s facing.
“I speak in tongues” said to a small group who were mostly from baptist background.
but it went very well…
Most the time the churches I have attended are grace oriented to they do not get that bent out of shape.
Though when I tell the story of when I shared an ice cream cone with a street person some people look at me funny.
iggy
Apparently you can not use satire and/or say, “This is satire.”
So here’s a few from the list I posted at I-Monk of things that I don’t think would go over well at many churches I have attended over the years:
Dispensationalism sounds like a total crock.
Preterism makes a lot of sense.
Creeds and Confessions are well and good, but as near as I can tell the thief on the cross had memorized neither.
I can praise God listening to a ripping guitar solo just as much as YOU can praise God listening to a lofty organ solo.
Sometimes I’ve just got to have a beer.
The pastor is wrong.
I dig on the music from Jesus Christ Super Star.
“Potlucks are a form of gluttony!”
Try saying that one in church. Ooooh, will you get burned!
“that was funny” (entertainment strictly prohibited)
“Why do we always sing the same ten songs from 1985 maranatha?”
The same things you can’t say on a blog or it will follow you around forever. lol.
Scott, I think your comments would be well received at many Restoration Movement churches.
“I think some Catholics might be saved.”
“I don’t say the Pledge of Allegiance.”
“I do not think tithing is for the church.”
“I’m a Democrat!”
“I don’t really like Chris Tomlin.”
“We shouldn’t have a flag on stage.”
“We don’t need a pulpit.”
“Rick Frueh is two steps below Jesus”
“The communion table is just a piece of furniture.”
“Why can’t we connect the organ to the rest of the sound system?”
“What would you think about adding a Q&A session after each sermon?”
“Do we recycle the plastic communion cups?”
“Are shoes mandatory for musicians?”
The number of steps is severly understated. Perhaps infinitely.
Christian – I love the no flag on stage sentence!
Here’s a statment you cannot say at some churches:
“Have you read crninfo lately?”
Things you cannot say at RM churches:
*I’m tired of taking communion every Sunday.
*This baptism thing – a little overdone don’t ya think?
*Are women allowed to speak here?
*You know what the Prophet Frueh says about all this?
Things you should never say in a conservative Baptist church:
“Let’s have a church garage sale!”
“Rick Warren is my hero!”
“We can put the overhead screen up over the cross.”
“Let’s use the guitar this week. It sounds a lot better than the piano.”
“Mrs. Smith is leading worship this week.”
“We should play card games for children’s church!”
“We’re hiring Steve the Christian magician to do a presention during VBS!”
“The pastor’s daughter is having a dance at her wedding!” (Or, as some conversative Baptists call it, ‘Evil Gyrations’.)
Things you cannot say at a seeker church:
“I just like the KJV better”.
“We are protesting Budweiser this weekend”.
“Are you going to the George Beverly Shea concert?”
“Do you think my skirt is too short?”
Funny thing is I use the NKJV and people laugh at me at my church… They prefer NLT or NIV… I just am more familiar with NIV or NKJV so I use it.
But I related to that one…
Years ago when I was young and my sister in law was jut putting on a bit of weight her pants were getting tight. Very overweight woman in our church began talking about her tight pants… I started to laugh as I looked at that ladies pants where were those polyester ones fat women wear (no offense my momma wears them) which are tight… I simply point it out to her and she just got red in the face and shut up.
iggy
why do we send the kids to church camp, I think it’s boring
why can’t we all wear jeans to church?
who cares if the communion table has a tablecloth on it
suits and ties from the 80’s don’t look good!
I don’t want to work in the children’s ministry.
I don’t like Christian music.
I find church to be boring a lot of times.
I don’t think we need an american flag or christian flag on stage.
the end. for now.
Try saying “No” to a request to do something without immediately being asked “To consider it prayfully before you decide”.
Spoken like a true pastors wife.
Um, Rick, I think I’d be concerned to hear you say that in any context…
Phil – I play bagpipes in the praise band!
“Pastor, your sermon was boring.”
“Hey usher, tell that fat lady to move she is blocking my view of the worship band”
Sound man: “I need a Sunday off”
Nursery: “I need a sunday off”
“Today’s Jews are not of Hebrew descent.”
“Both Dispensationalism and Preterism are of Jesuit origins.”
“Tithing is not biblical.”
I believe I got everybody beat on this one.
I think the average churchgoer wouldn’t even really know what these terms mean, honestly, so you might get looked at with a blank stare if you said that. I get your point, though.
^Yeah, I probably be dismissed as too intellectual for them, especially in Wesleyan and Independent Baptists churches.
“I think the (local christian bookstore) is full of jesus junk and crazy”
“I think Creation (the music festival) is a waste of time, money and energy”
“(the local christian radio station) has never had more then 4 minutes total of anything I would ever listen to”
It’s funny I find I take more heat from other Christians about Christian culture stuff then actual Christian stuff.
“I think woman could be elders”
LOL, actually Creation was one of the few Christian music events I truly appreciated, at least the last time I was there, which was probably 10 years ago. Right now, I probably would agree with you, as I really am not much into newer CCM.
Creation was started by old Jesus Freaks in the 70’s, so I could appreciate it for that. Now it seems like it’s another cog in the industry of CCM. The site where it’s held is actually less than hour and a half away from me, but there’s little motivation for me to even go for one night now.
“Do you have to be a Christian to take communion?”
“Genesis 1 speaks of literal history.”
“The real argument is not between ’science’ and ‘faith’ because those are false antithesis.”
‘Homosexuality’ and ’sin’ used in the same sentence.
“I don’t like being hugged.”
“I don’t like your dog.”
“Can I have a raise?”
“No I am not going to _________ funeral/nursing home/shut-in, etc.”
“Can’t we just pay someone else to do it?”
“Yes, I have heard that joke.”
Heh, Steve the Christian Magician checking in.
My Baptist church’s VBS wants me to perform this summer, but I’ll be unavailable.
Corey,
On a note only tangentially related to this thread, why would someone who is not a Christian (a post-easter Christian) want to take communion?
jerry