Good news for all our Dispensationalist friends out there. This service described in this article promises to make your post-rapture communication a little bit easier. In addition to sending your left behind family and friends emails letting them know that they have indeed missed out on their chance to avoid the Tribulation, this site will take care of all that pesky post-Rapture financial paperwork.
Now if we could only come up with a way to use all those beans in our basement we bought before Y2K…
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47 Comments(+Add)
Must feel real good to make
fun of peoples beliefs.
Very Humorous btw
“We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the “Rapture” of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.”
I almost fell out of my chair. Glad I sat my coffee down first.
I was just about to put up a post on this at VS. I love this little bit from the website:
“There won’t be any bodies, so probate court will take seven years to clear your assets to your next of kin. Seven years, of course, is all the time that will be left. So, basically the Government of the Antichrist gets your stuff, unless you make it available in another way.”
Wow, talk about spiritual extortion. Imagine the guilt of funding the One World Government and the Great Tribulation!!!
Oh my freakin’ gee-willikers…
My brain just released so much dopamine I’m going to have to go run around the block about twenty times laughing.
Jose, I’m quite sure you’re not above making fun of Scientologists’ or Muslim’s beliefs.
I do not believe those who have heard and rejected will get another chance. They will sent a strong delusion. The rest will be reached by 144,000. I am such a dinosaur!
As Cenk Uygur said on HuffPost, “Look, I think all of the major religions are the silliest fairytales I have ever heard, but if people start to get sucked up into the sky by Jesus, believe me, I’m listening. I guess they think the rest of us aren’t very bright.”
And he was raised Moose-lem! Even HE knows about it!
Where is that part of the site, Scott?
I need to see that part, desperately.
Terror,
I got that from the Wired.com article at: http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2008/06/service-lets-yo.html
I am thinking that particular statement has been pulled off the youvebeenleftbehind.com site. I tried to go to the internet Way Back Machine t0 pull up previous versions of the site, but for some reason my network is hanging up right now. I’ll try to get to it later and if I find it I will put up a screen shot and will link to it here.
Just makes ya want to kick yourself for not coming up with the idea first!!
I wonder why the majority of chriatians actually think the rapture will happen.
UMMM!! ain’t that interesting.
Oh I got it covered. They’ve been pointing and laughing at Democratic Underground for a few days now.
One thing about free market capitalism: figure out a way to scam the stupid, and you can just quit your job, sit back, turn on Tyra, and eat cheetoes all day.
I don’t think the “majority” of Christians do.
I was raised in multiple denominations and I never heard a word about all that hullaballoo until I got drawn into a brief stint with a cult, I mean, a Southern Baptist church.
Mabe you should visit central and south america.
You should go out more often.
But maybe we are just all stupid and belong to a cult.
Last time I checked we are all still working.
“I got drawn into a brief stint with a cult, I mean, a Southern Baptist church.”
I wonder if the keepers of the gate here will provide correction for that invective?
Well, I don’t think the majority of Christians alive now hold to Dispensationalist theology, and definitely the majority of them throughout history didn’t, considering the fact that John Darby hadn’t popularized the idea of the rapture until the 1800’s.
Unfortunately, this blog calls anyone who believes in a literal return of Jesus, dispensationalist.
Only preterists need apply.
Phil,
see my last comment. I believe you are in the minority in this eschatology.
BTW
pre-trib rapture is not be supported by scripture.
I don’t know. I do realize that Dispensationalism has made a lot of headway in Africa and South America, though.
Since when did the Biblical correctness of a belief become a matter of popular vote, though?
Mob rule does not necessarily mean something is right, of course.
I love it when fundamentalists tell me I should get out more.
It’s so arrogant, but also so funny.
Anyway, seriously, I was raised, in order:
Disciples of Christ
Presbyterian
United Methodist
United Methodist again
Disciples of Christ again
Shi’ite Presbyterian (PCA)
Only heard about the rapture during that brief creepy stint with the Southern Baptists.
Kind of terrorized me for a while, too. I never worried about being “Left Behind.” It was more like praying it was just a weird myth.
AND in my time since I’ve left home, I have attended congregations that fall under the following categories:
Disciples of Christ
United Methodist
Presbyterian
Episcopal
United Church of Christ
Reform Jewish. (DEFINITELY no rapture there *grin*)
Still the one place where everybody was obsessed with Teh Rapture was Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis, TN, which the natives here call “Six Flags Over Jesus,” because of its utter theme park quality.
Actually, if you examine the “majority” of Christian belief, primarily the church outside of America, the “rapture”/dispensationalist theory is definitely in the minority (as primarily an American phenomenon).
The majority tends to be amillenial (which includes partial preterism) or non-dispensationalist premil, all of which believe in an eventual literal return of Christ, but no ‘rapture’, Left Behind crap, etc.
“Left Behind crap”
1. refrain from using terms of condescension
I believe your noun reveals a demeaning condescension of those like me who hold the view to which the words “Left Behind” allude.
I believe the “Left Behind” eschatology is shallow and has been used as a misleading tool to manipulate people.
Better.
Dictionary.com on “crap”:
nonsense; drivel.
b. falsehood, exaggeration, propaganda, or the like.
I believe ChrisL was using proper shorthand, Rick.
Nearly all Christians I know here are rapture believers. I thought it was the majority view.
I agree with Rick, it was probably overly harsh. I agree with Chris L, in that it is not something I agree with and grates on my nerves.
Speaking of sick on a gazillion levels, I have become recently aware that there is a “Christian teevee show” called Prank 3:16 (because Christians obviously can’t just watch Punk’d) that featured a “prank” where they convinced this sad girl, who really really really believes in the Left Behind cha-ching CashCow, that, haha, you took a phone call outside, and now all your “Christian friends” have been taken away with Jesus, and your faith wasn’t good enough? HAHA! You’ll probably question your faith for the rest of your life! You’ve been PRANK 3:16′ED!
And when the girl says “I think we’ve been Left Behind!” you can hear the capital letters, the trademark symbol, the copyrights, the marketing strategy, and Tim LaHaye’s exploding wallet in her cry.
Sickos.
And these are the people who are trying to set the moral agenda for the country.
Stunning.
Oh, and you can also hear Bev LaHaye dialing her plastic surgeon for a touch-up, because, ya know, she’ll be going on the teevee again to represent CWA REAL SOON.
“They will know it was true and that they have blown it.”
if they will know it’s true, then why do they need an email from you post-rapture?? why not just tell them right now: “hey, when i disappear some day, the world’s gonna turn to crap real quick, and your only hope is to convert to christianity.”
Sorry – I missed that earlier (I tend to quickly skim comments that are off-topic mocking, etc…) I agree that the SBC isn’t a cult any more than PCUSA, AOG or the RCC, etc. They’re all Christian denominations.
My apologies for a misunderstanding here – I was commenting when I had about 2 minutes – I separated “rapture” from Left Behind, as my term “Left Behind crap” was dealing specifically with the book series and the bizarre extrapolations made in them, which a number of folks have taken as gospel. I thought the separation was obvious, but upon rereading it I realize my error.
My apologies.
Premillenial Dispensationism has so many holes, you could drive an entire fleet of mack trucks from Petra through it, and it is primarily in influence in countries with a high standard of living, because it is so inconceivable that so many things could go south so quickly, that it would require a Rube Goldberg patchwork of literal and figurative events, as proposed by Darby, to make it work.
At the same time, eschatology is a non-essential, though we need to be careful not to let it become the driving force behind daily decision-making and “forecasting”. What Jenkins and LaHaye (and Darby) have done seems pretty close to violating Rev 22:18-19…
Or – “when I disappear some day, can you please notify the police to file a missing person’s report rather than assuming it was an event postulated 1800+ years after Jesus’ death?”
well, yeah, that would be the most sensible thing to say but… oh, nevermind
and here’s another thing, if they’ll realize it’s all true, then can’t they just pick up the entire series of novels written about it? however, i thought that despite the fact that all the conservative, repulican, america-loving, young-earth/literal hell believing, TRUE, evangelical christians all just happened to disappear just like left behind says, people still wouldn’t believe. i don’t think these people have their doctrine right. they might be left behind themselves.
Of course, once I heard a guy on the radio say something to the effect of “If the rapture is real, sounds like a win-win situation to me.”
For the record, I was kidding about the SBC being a cult. Duh.
Although any denomination where 95% of the clergy have the exact same Impossible Hair has to make one wonder…
Not to worry, we now have an offcial date…….again!
http://www.december212012.com/index.shtml
And….with all the celebrity believers they show, it’s just got to be true.
Hey “Break.” Take a break from the ridicule, please. Else I will be forced to make everyone compare the RW PDL Money Machine to the TL LB Money Machine and that could get ugly as RW is unassailable here. But then again RW is pope of the SBC so . . . OMG!!!!!
Richard! Richard! Someone find Richard. We need you!
I thought it was 2023, based upon the steps in the Great Pyramid at Giza and the mysterious ending of the Mayan stone calendar…
I thought it already happened in 2003. Wait a minute….you mean my friends just ditched me!!!??
Christ’s return happend in 1904 or thereabouts according to Rutherford. Don’t you guys keep with with Watch Tower news?
Chris P -
I would note that none of the writers here are full preterists. Rather, some of us (like myself) are partial-preterist, seeing many of the prophecies fulfilled in the fall of Jerusalem and the reigns of Nero and Domitian, but still awaiting the final return of Christ.
We know what dispensationalism is, and refer to it as such…
You guys obviously think we who belive in the rapture actually set dates. I think we have read that verse that says not even the angels in heaven know the time and day. The only people I know who set or have a set days are cults and JW.
For those who Jesus has come ( 70 a.d ) there’s holes in there too that we can poke.
SO it goes both ways. This is a topic that will only be solve when the time is right. And if we are wrong then I guess we will find out as well. But for now we keep reaching out to souls. BTW we dont reach out to souls by scaring them to death. We know that’s not a true repentance.
Of course, not all do, but there certainly have been a lot of prominent people who have tried their hand at date-setting.
I guess the thing that I find both sad and funny is that people still take these people seriously. I mean how many times does someone like Jack Van Impe have to be wrong before people stop sending him money?
As Chris L. already said, none of us are actually saying this. This is pretty much a straw man.
I will say this, though, the word parousia basically means “presence”, and I think a case can be made that the day of Pentecost was a beginning of a Christ’s presence coming to dwell on the earth. This was sort of finalized in 70AD with the destruction of the temple. It was kind of like an exclamation mark to get the point across that God doesn’t dwell in buildings anymore.
I still believe there is a consummation of Christ’s return yet to happen. How all the details will work out I’m not sure. I’m pretty sure it won’t be like the Left Behind books, though.
phil,
People who really study the word do not go to Jack van pimp for teachings on end times.
Also we do know 70 ad happened but not the return of christ. Pentecost was the coming of the holy spirit not christ for all eyes to see. So that is he’s presence.
I agree with you to a certain point. We don’t have all the details.
Obviously more than 10.
Um. If you think I care about Rick Warren or his own personal cashcow, you obviously haven’t paid attention to my comments.
Haha Jack Van Impe. I love his teevee show. Rexella is a minx!
Break,
Well at least you are an equal opportunity trasher!