Most of us are, at various times, susceptible to using rhetoric that is inflammatory, illogical, careless, rude, or divisive.  This waywardness of the tongue (or typing, as it were) is often found in the presence of impatience, hastiness, defensiveness, passion, anger, pain, and a variety of other (often negative) thoughts, feelings and emotions.  Sometimes, however, it can simply be a failure in communication.  I had a college professor who would tell us that some questions are unanswerable because the question is faulty.  “Do you still beat your wife?” is a yes or no question that I personally cannot answer with a yes or a no because I have never beaten my wife.  We are sometimes prone to asking questions and making statements like this as well.  We like things to be either/or.

I have been somewhat surprised at the conversations that have been taking place on CRN.Info over the past couple of days.  The norm around here has been typical of many relationships in our lives, which involve 4 ways in which we respond to what others around us say: 1) we agree with them, 2) we ignore them, 3) we get upset with them, but agree to disagree, or 4) we fight it out.  Each response has its place; but sometimes I forget the value of the fourth one (fighting it out) when done in grace, respect, and forgiveness because it is so often done out of a heart and mind clouded by the previously mentioned attitutdes.  When we are willing and committed to fight it out (not fight for the sake of fighting) in the community of God, our hearts and minds, our very selves are challenged and stretched to grow.

What we say and how we say it can direct a conversation, but it can also redeem a conversation.  My desire has been to avoid asking questions (and making statements) that are fueled by ignorance, faulty thinking, and/or strong emotions.  This has led me of late to talk a lot less (often about even important matters).  But I suppose that if those things never came out, we’d all be agreeing with and ignoring each other.  Healthy, functional relationships rely on the ability to disagree and even argue, knowing that when all is said and done, we’re all growing to become like Christ.  Hopefully I can begin to listen all the time, and speak up when it matters.

Tags: anger, arguing, fighting, grace, language, words

Bill Mounce has written a Eph 2:49" href="http://www.koinoniablog.net/2009/02/eph-429-and-blogs.html" target="_blank">great post over at the Koinonia blog about our speech and anger.  He has some deep and well thought through insights and applications that apply to all of us.  Here’s a snippet, but if you have the time, go read the whole thing:

One of the patterns that I have noticed is that we often are justified in our anger, and that anger vents itself in ungodly language that clearly violates the clear teaching of Scripture. But because our anger is so strong, and our justification so deep, we feel that not only are we justified to speak in corrupting and graceless ways, but that we have some sort of divine mandate to do so. It would be wrong, we reason, to speak any other way.

I have often commented to myself (and those around me) that gossip, slander, and critical speech are the native tongue in the church.

We see this expressed in different ways among ADM’s and the writers here, and we might be inclined to see the errors of others, but I’d like to encourage you to think about your own responses to other people when you get angry.

Tags: anger, language, self-justification, vulgarity

My Grandfather used to say “Have mercy” or “mercy” a lot when we would visit (four rowdy kids barging through the door all at once is probably reason enough). It was just another expression of mild woe similar to the Yiddish “oy vey” or a “sheesh” or a “oh my.” I never really thought much of it, other than it was pretty neat because nobody used it anymore. At least not in that way. I said it a lot as a kid. Sort of. When an older brother is smothering you and there’s nothing to do but give in, some sort of phrase calling for mercy was necessary.

Unfortunately, many Christians treat mercy the way my older brothers did. I’m right, you’re wrong, and I’ll beat you up until you give in. They look at mercy as something that is given when the other person submits to them. I suppose you could argue that that is ultimately how it works with God. When we submit ourselves to Him, He gives us mercy. His mercy is offered before we submit, but still contingent on a submission of our will to His.

At first I was going to compare our view of mercy with the use of the word for a generation as slang. But after thinking about it for awhile, maybe they had it right. Maybe our calls for mercy should permeate our daily lives. When we are tempted to roll our eyes and get disgusted, angered, or feel empty pity, we should call for mercy.

I believe that we should judge the sin of our brothers (so that we can restore them), but mercy is more important than judgment. (Note that mercy given is not equal to ignoring or allowing sin.) In fact, mercy is so much more important than judgment that James says to “Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!” (2:12-13 NIV)

What do you know, mercy wins.

So for everybody that writes for, comments on, or reads articles posted on this website: “Have mercy!”

Have mercy for each other when another says something condemnable (especially when you’ve probably done it too or wanted to do it.) Can we correct? Yes. But do it gently with a loving heart. If you are angry, perturbed, or whatever, just don’t type. A number of us have shown that we have trouble not sinning in our anger.

I’m sure this post could have been written better. I’m sure I should have said something more, I’m sure that at times I say things I shouldn’t. But please, have mercy.

Tags: anger, correction, love, mercy, sin